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Keith Knight or K.D.Knight - he cannot make up his mind what his author's name should be - has no right to be writing books. He has no education, only a small degree of intellect and can only concentrate on matters-at-hand for short periods of a time at a stretch. The many cats to whom he is merely staff are also constant distractions, several of whom are quite critical of his literary output since they heard on the grapevine how well Jilly Cooper's cats live.

Although clearly approaching his best-before date, he still works for a living, falling from his bed on an almost daily basis at 3.15 each morning - yes 3.15 exists in the morning as well as the afternoon - to go to the first of his two paid employments. This demonstrates either that his level of dedication to writing deserves some sort of success or it is further evidence of his slide into a chronic reincarnation of Walter Mitty. The afternoons are his 'writing hours', although his best work comes out of the ether during his days off, mainly between 4.15 am and 8.30 am, and wonders what he is capable of achieving if his other half did not insist on him 'doing his bit' for the family income.

He is teetotal, doesn't smoke, dislikes the gratuitous use of sex and bad language in literature and life and has no real redeeming features except his honesty.

'His better half' should perhaps be termed 'his better three-quarters' as without her the modern world would chew him up, and without her indifference to his literary efforts he would not be the man he is today. The modest family home is also a refuge to the eight cats who live the life of Reilly at his expense, making him tenth in line of priority within the family home. At least he knows where he stands in life, usually bent over litter trays.

Somehow he maintains the horseracingmatters.com website, espousing his varied and sometimes radical views on any matter related to horseracing, the abiding fascination of his life. On his other website can be found The Abomination, his religious novel, a very serious story that tears into the gospels and all we know and love about Jesus and his family. His atheist novel Linda Versus God is only published as an e-book, not that being sold under the cover of the world wide web will save his soul from damnation as God will be very cross if he or any of his earthly spokepersons ever read either of the two novels. Mr Knight, who in oh so many ways is as nice a chap as you would care to meet in a dark alley, should take the well-meaning advice and stick to what he know best - horse racing and horses.

To sum up: Mr Knight is near his best-before date. He is servant to eight cats. He is most likely on God's hit-list for his bad-mouthing of Him, heaven, the Bible, Jesus and the Christian religion in general and he might be the reincarnation of Walter Mitty.

He lives in Devon, is Bristolian by birth and accent and worked for twenty years with racehorses.

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