Changes

|title=Kill the Boy Band

|author=Goldy Moldavsky

|website=http://goldymoldavsky.com/

|video=5bFiWJTXwYs

Rupert Pierpont has put his head above the parapet and taken his juggling act onto a ''Britain's Got Talent''-styled TV show, as you do. Bizarrely there were three other Ruperts contesting, and all four got lumped into the same boy band – The Ruperts, as you do. Several massive albums and hugely successful tours later, the four lads are globally known, and have entered the world of true fandom – the realms where girls know to wear incontinence pads and live with it rather than forsake their front-row concert position, and where girl fans (with their own inclusive, tribal nickname, of course) send online death threats to anyone sexually linked to the stars. The band has got a showcase Thanksgiving TV special to perform in New York, and is in town at a hipsterish swanky hotel. And here is Rupert P waking up surrounded by four huge Ruperts fans, and hardly seeing anything other than girls' tights – as you do. But this is through no intent of his own – for he has been kidnapped by four of the very same fans he soon attests to hate…