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''How not to Disappear'' is all about facing up to things. Gloria has to face up to her past and to the inevitability of dementia taking away not only her memories but her identity, too. And Hattie must face up to the truth about her relationship with Reuben, her pregnancy, and that the prospect of going through with it also goes hand in hand with a changing identity for her. But if she doesn't, it might be a source of regret for the rest of her life.
The novel moves between the present day and the 1950s of Gloria's youth. The transitions are seamless and the flashbacks serves serve to blunt Gloria's present day bluntness. Because Gloria can be pretty obnoxious and rude. And is often drunk. But right from the outset, our sympathies lie with both these central characters and we forgive them their faults. We know that Gloria's past is a sad place but it will take us to the end of the book to find out exactly why and we forgive her peccadilloes along the way. We know Hattie has a decision to make but it will take us to the end of the book to find out what it is and we forgive her prevarications along the way. I loved both these women, young and old.
I enjoyed the honesty of it and the way in which sadness and joy are presented as two sides of the same coin. I enjoyed the acknowledgement that love doesn't always conquer all. I had a deep appreciation for the sympathetic presentation of dementia - we need more of that in our ageing society. But mostly I enjoyed the growing relationship between two women, one looking back over a life and one looking towards a life yet to come.

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