View source for Mwah Mwah by Chloe Rayban

{{infobox 
|title=Mwah Mwah 
|author=Chloe Rayban   
|reviewer=Zoe Page  
|genre=Teens 
|summary=Instead of preparing for the party of the year back home, Hannah's being sent to France for two weeks for a 'cultural trip' and the chance to improve her French. And she can't imagine anything worse. 
|rating=4   
|buy=Yes 
|borrow=Yes 
|pages=288
|publisher= Bloomsbury Publishing PLC
|date=May 2008 
|isbn=978-0747594130
|amazonuk=<amazonuk>0747594139</amazonuk> 
|amazonus=<amazonus>0747594139</amazonus>
}}

When Hannah is shipped off to France for her Easter holidays she's not that impressed. She'll be living in a poxy flat with her mum's poxy friends and their poxy daughter, who has legs that go on forever and cheekbones to kill for, and is incapable of pronouncing Hannah's name properly. Gone are the plans to spend her few weeks off school at home, hanging out with friends, getting ready for the upcoming party and generally dreaming about her future boyfriend (though he doesn't know it yet). Instead, she's off to a funny country where they're all rude and smelly, where they shoot things for fun and then eat them, and where everyone's off having bloomin' extra-marital affairs with everyone else. It's just not fair. 

And…it's also not all that true, as she discovers on arrival. French teenagers can hog the bathroom with the best of them (there goes the smelly theory) and everyone who passes her in the street says ''Bonjour'' (there goes the rude theory). In fact, it might not be all that bad in France after all, what with a few family dramas and the arrival of a dashing young Frenchman to keep her entertained. She might just about survive this fortnight after all, as long as she can keep straight her ''lapin'' from  ''le pain'' and continue avoiding snails fresh from the garden and what she endearingly calls ''Pee tea''. 

Hannah is an interesting heroine because she is a self-conscious teen unused to being the centre of attention as she is in France because of the novelty factor, but she is also a quick learner who picks up the ways of her new country swiftly and plays the games as well as Matthilde and Michel by the end. She's also not all that obsessed with her appearance, which makes a refreshing change. Sure, she's a teenage girl so she brings it up now and then, but it's not something she drones on about.

You could tell the author had actually visited France, which of course helps, and I loved the way you could see the trip through the eyes of a novice traveller, who was picking up on all those things you do find strange the first few times you visit a country.  

''I started counting to a hundred with a pounding heart. Matthilde was counting too but in French. She finished first which was kind of odd when you consider how long it takes to say things like 'quatre-vingt-diz-sept'.'' 

I liked the book but I didn't like the way they did the French. I understand that they were trying to make it look all strange and foreign, but surely ''Dis moi cherie. Est-ce que tu es faim?'' would have looked as weird and confusing to non-French speakers as the dubious ''Dimwashayree. Esqutufam?'' they opted for. It would also have been a lot easier to decipher for those of us who do speak French, and given the relative simpleness of the phrases, that could be quite a few 11 and 12 year old readers who have even just a term of French lessons behind them. The French vocab which covers the last few pages of the book is entertaining though – it's Hannah's personal collection of usual phrases including pronunciation and explanation, but also, thankfully, proper spelling. Ignore the dubious phonetic French and this is a sweet, funny book that I think pre-teens will enjoy. 

For another tale of teens taking to France, check out [[Ooh, La, La, Connie Pickles by Sabine Durrant]]. 

Thanks to the publishers for supplying this book.

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